June 2021


How to Prepare for Anything

My Explant Journey Pt. 3

So, the night before my explant surgery, I Face-Timed my besties back home in Chicago. They always have an innate ability to distract me by keeping me laughing. Our call ended with them grabbing their boobs and waving them goodbye.

The morning of the surgery, I had George Michael’s “Freedom” blasting on the way to the hospital, and just before pulling into the parking lot, a garbage truck was waiting to pull out, so, yeah, I flashed him! Ha! I went into surgery feeling ready and relieved the implants were finally coming out!

When I had the gown on and was being wheeled into the operating room, I apologized in advance to the techs, nurses, and doctor for the inevitable inappropriate comments that are fairly common when I’m nervous.

The first thing I remember feeling when I woke up from surgery was, yay, I’m alive. Thank you, God! But I did not expect what I felt next. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of FREEDOM. Freedom in my body, obviously because the implants were out, but I was surprised to be so overcome with feeling the freedom of being ME again. Those implants represented someone I felt I was supposed to be. So, on top of healing the physical scars, I’m learning how to heal the emotional scars. I’m learning to un-become the person society groomed me to be and become who I was meant to be. I’m rediscovering that lost girl. God, how I’ve missed her!

It’s difficult to put into words, but there’s a lightness to me now. I actually caught myself singing the other morning.… and there was no music on in the house! And I was at the dog park recently, where I often cross paths with hot-black-lab-guy, who typically doesn’t look twice at me, when I realized I was walking with confidence and my shoulders back like I had swagger. Where is this coming from?! Hot-black-lab-guy still ignored me, but this time I didn’t care! I didn’t feel bad about myself that I got ignored. There’s a feeling inside of me telling me it’s okay to be unapologetically ME.

As for my healing, one side has definitely healed better than the other, but it’s just a ‘visual’ thing. I’m learning to live with it. More important is the emotional healing, which I am 99% happy with! (C’mon, would I be telling the truth if I said it was 100%?)

The bottom line, none of us are, or ever will be, perfect. We all have scars. And that’s frickin’ okay! Scars tell a story. They tell a story that we’ve lived, and we’ve made mistakes. Our scars are there to remind us that we got through it.

(I’ve been asked about before and after pictures. While it feels a bit gratuitous on my part, I totally understand the curiosity; we are visual creatures! I will post some pictures below, but they may be a bit graphic, so keep scrolling only if you want to see what the implants (and I) looked like when they came out!)

I also think it’s important to mention, for those of you who currently have implants, that my intention is NOT to pressure or guilt you into removing yours. When explanting was first brought up to me years ago, I was not ready — for a multitude of reasons. We all have our own journey. You will know when (or if) you are ready. Please know that if you are experiencing any health issues, it’s worth checking into!

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God…..

~Psalm 40:3

Tips For Being Prepared (for ANYTHING!)

  • Research, research, then research some more!  I’ve found that FB groups can be a good resource because you’re hearing directly from people who have experience with the situation. Be careful with ‘google’ searches. Depending on the subject matter, your search may first bring up biased results. (I prefer the search engine Duck Duck Go)
  • Don’t forget the emotional aspect of what you are preparing for. Trauma/emotions stay with us. Find resources to help you handle the emotions of what you are preparing for. (They could include: counseling, a Lifeline session, praying, meditation, and talking to others who have gone through it)
  • Sounds gloom and doom but prepare for the worst-case scenario. That way, if, God forbid, it happens, you’re prepared. But knowing you are prepared for it should keep you from worrying about it! If you are prepared for it, you know you can get through it! And think of other ways things could go wrong and prepare for those, too!
  • Think of all the people it may affect. For example, with my explant surgery, my son told me he was afraid I wouldn’t wake up from surgery.  Are there people this may affect that need some reassurance or support in any way?
  • If you’re preparing for something physical, is your body ready? REALLY think this one through!
  • SHOW UP EARLY. “If you’re not 15 minutes early, you’re late!”  Damn, if I would’ve taken this advice years ago. I used to always push it when showing up for something, and SO often, I would be late or a complete stress ball trying to get there on time.  OMG, the amount of stress I could’ve saved my body!




The day after my explant


My implants explanted!


The scar tissue removed.


The ‘new’ me!

My friends thought I was sucking in my gut….. it’s actually my ribs sticking out because I have no boobs!  LOL